Part 1: Happiness

I was chatting to a friend about social media, and how everything on it is fake, staged, a display of happiness that is not only unreal, it is also unaccessible. Amongst many other unreal and unaccessible things present on social media. And I thought about my main instagram profile, how it creates this curated reflection of my life - or better, a part of my life. Of course, one cannot show all of one's life on social media. But here I am, defending the idea of being more real in the unreal world, when my own feed is not. This idea stuck to me, bothered me, made me think. 

I could start whining on instagram as well - I already do it here - but it would clash with what's left from my old OCD diagnosis when I was younger, which almost obliges me to apply order and method to the world. Instagram is for pictures, and descriptions of said pictures. Some people post images of text, and I have nothing to say about that because it's their feed, so it is none of my business. But I couldn't make this work in my feed. OCD, order, method, etc.

After reflecting a lot on the matter, I realised that I might not be so one sided as I thought. Let me elaborate: I don't post sadness on instagram because instagram is not the place I go to when I am sad. And yes, I get sad, I have moments of frustration, lack of self love and self confidence, and I feel like shit sometimes. In those moments, I look for happiness somewhere else: my friends and writing. Hence, the existence of this blog.

This blog is open for anyone to read - but I go further: I advertise the existence of this blog on my instagram, so anyone there can come here and see the other side of my life. The sad, reflective, frustrated side. The one that is too ugly to be put in pictures and posted in my virtual wall. The book of my life is open, it's just that one would find different pages in different places.

I am not perfect. In fact, there is a lot of imperfections on me. Like everyone else. Nobody is perfect, as the cliche goes. I don't try to claim perfection. I try my best to show the world who I am. The different sides and aspects of me. Instagram is one of them. This blog is another. But there is a lot more, and nobody will ever see them all. Not because I am hiding something, even though I do have my secrets. Different groups look into different places, and I am ok with that.

But everyone is welcomed to talk to me, ask me how I am, what I have been up to, how do I feel. The answer might not always be great, but I promise you it will be the truth.

On that note, I have a habit of writing things whenever they pop into my head, which means sometimes without access to the internet and the possibility of posting it here immediately. And I will probably keep doing that, because logistics and my job etc. But this one right now, it's happening as I think. This one is as fresh as one could get.

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