Part 3: The boy who flew closer to the sun

It was the last party, at the last night of a weekend that had been amazing. I got to see all my friends, some I haven't for years. I got to visit places, eat foods, do things. Berlin had shown me, once again, why I call it my second hometown. That party had no agenda, no expectations, no things unfinished. I was there simply to have fun. To let myself go and let Berlin take me.

There was a boy in this particular party, who was also in other parties. He is not from Berlin - he doesn't live there, but was also there just for the weekend. And this particular boy was totally out of my league. To be fair, he is still out of my league. We don't even play the same sport. In fact, metaphorically speaking, he plays sport and I am a rocket scientist - that's how out of my league he is. He is, without a doubt, one of the hottest, most handsome guys I have ever met. And I wanted to kiss him, but in the same way I would like to be an astronaut or win the euromillions. More like a wishful thinking, "it's never really gonna happen" thing, than an actual intention to kiss him. After all, he would never kiss someone like me - out of his league etc.

There were also other stuff that complicated things, stuff that is too boring for me to discuss. But it could get messy, especially if I tried and it didn't work out. And it would have to work out, because of everything that happened so far. I was riding in a big confidence boost, because the weekend had been incredibly good so far. I wanted to end it in a high note, and to be rejected by someone who I was pretty sure would reject me was not a good way to achieve that high note. A rejection is still a rejection, even when it is expected. Besides, I was there to enjoy. No agenda, no expectations, no things unfinished.

I thought about icarus, and how he decided to fly too close to the sun. I made up my mind that I would not try to kiss him. It was the safest choice. So, when I saw him coming in my direction, I knew that I would say hi, chat, but I wouldn't dare. Which, being a pragmatic person as I am, is a pretty safe bet. The issue with people is that, no matter how you expect them to act, they can surprise you. I definitely surprised myself when, in the middle of the conversation, I went in to kiss him. I was not thinking, it was pure instinct. In that moment, I did not consider outcomes and chances. I just leaned in.

And he kissed me back. He fucking kissed me back.

In that moment, when he kissed me back, it all rushed back to me. The weekend, the doubts, the excitement. The feeling that this was a perfect way to end it. He kissed me back.

I did not kiss anyone, anymore. For the rest of the night, I just danced and enjoyed the party. I enjoyed my friends. I enjoyed Berlin, how it took me and how it had done it again. I would go back home the next day, back into real life with real issues. But, at that moment, I was Berlin, and Berlin was me.

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