Poles Apart

I am a complex person, and even though I know myself very well, sometimes is not easy to explain who I am to someone else. Here is a glimpse into that complexity: a story of two guys I met who, at first glance, were similar to each other. I met them both in Berlin, and I kissed them both in Berlin. But, with time, they become polar opposites. One became south, the other north. In many more ways than just geographically. 

South kissed me on my first night. I have never seen him before, in person or online. He was very drunk, and kept saying that I was very sexy. He is also very sexy, and seemed to be a nice guy, based on the group of friends he was spending the holiday with. But, for the rest of the holiday, he avoided me. And when we crossed each other, he gave me a polite yellow smile, while kissing everything else that moved. The worst part is that, yes, I wanted to kiss him again, but I also wanted to get to know him better. And he never gave me that opportunity.

North was also with a nice group of people, and I have seen him online before. We did not kiss right away, but he was very nice to me from the start. He had the most beautiful smile. We kissed on the second night, and what a fucking great kiss. It fit. But it also made me feel good. Someone I admired for a long time turned out to be nice and kiss well. 

After the holiday, I kept trying to reach south, but he clearly moved on from me. It was a holiday thing, and I don't live in London. Until one day, when he saw a guy he wanted was visiting me. Then he was interested - in the guy, not in me. He wrote me to ask about the guy, about the sex, maybe on the hopes I would facilitate their contact with each other? I became a tool, much like I was when he wanted a tongue to suck.

North, on the other hand, kept being lovely to me and interested in building something, despite again the fact that I don't live in London. We are talking about meeting when I come there, or him coming to spend some time in Brighton. He compliments me and answers to the messages I send.

I was clear to both of them that I was interested in a friendship, but I would also like to spend time naked. South flat out ignored it, laughed it off, took it as I was joking around. He made it awkward. North was very open and honest about it, told me he was not looking for that, but he was still interested in a friendship with me. He asked me if that was ok, which made a huge difference. Emotional maturity, after all.

They are both equally hot, each in their own way. Physically speaking. But I am absolutely not attracted to South anymore. I also don't want a friendship with him. I am happy to say hi if we cross each other, be cordial. But I don't want anything deeper - into his ass or into his heart.

I am incredibly attracted to North, including sexually. Even though I know it will not happen - and I am ok with that. For real. We will build a beautiful friendship, and I will always have my wanks for the times the urge speaks a bit louder. I might be missing out in having sex with a hot guy, but I am gaining an amazing friend - and that is worth much much more. The profit here is incalculable, and I am taking this offer with a big smile in my face.


This situation is amazingly similar to the one I had with the guy I was seeing when I met Yogi. Some things don't change. Thank fuck!

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