Being Hinksch

I was rewatching Glass Onion recently - I first saw it in the cinema when it was briefly on show - and it made me think about a song from my favourite Brazilian band, Pato Fu. The song is in Portuguese, but there's a bit of the lyrics that translate loosely to "you are like a bad movie, which I already know the end, and it's not at all original". Like Miles, one of the main characters from Glass Onion, I am not at all original. Most of the things I like and identify with, things that form my personality and my identity, are things I got from someone else. Let me start from the beginning: I always pick something up from a friend. An accent, a laughter, I swear I even picked up the need to pee more often from a friend. Whenever I become friends with someone, I incorporate something from them into my life. Then I started to think about the things I like the most in life. Poirot? Was introduced to me by a cousin. Pink Floyd: shown by another cousin. Almodovar came from a ...

If you haven't noticed yet, based on the three texts I already wrote about it, I just turned 40 years old on January 2nd, 2023. To mark this occasion, I made a list of 40 things I have done before turning 40.  Be completely naked online, willingly Be homeless Be in the middle of a sex sandwich Cry in front of someone else Date people from different genders Fly first class (as a passenger) Get a piercing Get a tattoo Get drunk Get high Go scuba diving Go to a theme park (like Disney) Go to a water park Go to Berghain and actually get in Go to Oktoberfest Have a heated argument with someone Have a master's degree Have my heart broke by someone Have sex in public Have sex with multiple people at once Learn another language Learn to drive stick Live in a different country Make up with someone I previously fought Marry the love of my life Meet and spend time with my four grandparents Move out of my parent's house Plant a tree Save someone's life Say goodbye to someone I love...

It's a little past midnight at home, almost five hours to go here. Four in my home country. Yogi called, the only one so far. I just poured myself a drink, I'm sitting by the pool. It's a nice evening to be out. I'm alone, with my noise cancelling headphones, listening to my favourite songs: Florence and the Machine, Pink Floyd, Pato Fu... As I take the first sip of my drink, I tell myself, in Portuguese: Happy Birthday, Bernardo. I'll be on my own for the next 24h. I mean, not entirely: I am currently on a layover, surrounded by my work colleagues, who said they would join me for a drink - but so far nobody showed up. I don't blame them, I wouldn't be out myself if this wasn't my birthday. We worked a long flight here. Everyone is tired, including me.  You might feel sad for me, but I am used to this life. This is not different than any other day, any other month, any other year. Throughout the years I learned to be flexible about dates, change the cale...

I remember very clearly when my dad turned 40. I was 12, still lived in the countryside and I remember he had a big party with his friends. I also remember him making a big deal out of it, saying how it changed his life, how it gave him a new perspective. A couple of years later, he would sell his business and take us to the capital city, where there would be better opportunities for his children I don't remember when my mom turned 40, though. I am sure there was some celebration, but I don't have any memories of it. I also don't think it was as big as my dad's. Probably because we had just arrived in a new city, they were renting instead of owning a house, working for the first time for someone else. But most important, they did not know many people. It was not what it could have been if they still lived in the countryside. I don't have many memories of my life in general between late childhood and late teens. My early to mid teen years were not an easy time for me...